In the world of statistics and analysis, there’s a phenomenon that may not be widely known by name, but we deal with it almost every day in our lives: Survivorship Bias. It means we only see those who “survived”, succeeded, were visible—but those who failed and dropped out are completely erased from our minds. Even though they are an important part of the reality.
Airplanes Full of Bullet Holes, Yet Still in the Sky
There’s a famous example from World War II. The U.S. Air Force wanted to make their planes more resistant. They examined the planes that returned from missions and wanted to armor the parts that had taken the most bullets. But Abraham Wald—a statistics genius—said: “You’re making a mistake! You should reinforce the areas that have fewer bullet holes.” Why? Because these are the planes that survived and returned. Those that took bullets in critical areas crashed and never came back to be studied. In other words, we’re only seeing the “survivors,” not the “victims.”
Success Stories That Deceive Us
Now let’s bring this story into our own lives. Every day we are surrounded by stories of success: Wealthy, fit, happy, inspiring people, amazing entrepreneurs… But what don’t we see? The thousands who started with the same effort—or even more—but didn’t make it. The relationships that began and failed. The people who bent under pressure but were never seen anywhere.
Social Media: The Premium Trash Products of Facebook
On Instagram and the other trashy apps made by Facebook—these “fast-food luxury lives”—this bias gets multiplied.
We only see pictures of smiles, travel, parties, and joy.
But no one posts pictures of anxiety, poverty, heartbreak, or nights spent crying.
In the end, we feel like only our life is full of problems and everyone else is walking the red carpet of life.
While the truth is something else entirely:
They have their problems too—they just don’t post them.
Paths Full of Silent Corpses
If you trace the route of a successful person from the beginning, you’ll see that thousands of others took the same path—with the same effort, same talent, or even more—but didn’t make it. Because their stories aren’t told, we assume success is a natural and normal outcome. But that’s not true at all. Failure is the natural result of the journey. Success is the unnatural and rare outcome. It’s the same in relationships. We only see the happy couples—in restaurants, on the subway, in photos—but there are many more people who want a relationship and can’t get one. Or relationships that continue only out of habit and fear—not love. But because they’re not seen, we think everything is great.
The Things Hidden Behind Smiles
In the end, we need to understand that every person has a hidden file of pain, failures, and fears—like a .env file in programming. Our eyes don’t see it, but it shapes the entire behavior and emotional state of the person. The surface is calm, but behind the scenes, many things are at war.
So What Should We Do?
Our most important weapon is awareness. Knowing that:
- Every success has many unseen failures behind it.
- Every smile might hide years of tears.
- And every good relationship has gone through many hard days.
And most importantly: Have hope. Be patient. Keep going. Even if the outcome wasn’t what you wanted, it’s still valuable. Because you tried, and that alone is enough for you to be proud of yourself.
If I Were to Add a Personal Example…
Imagine a mountaineer. When he reaches the summit, he posts a beautiful photo and writes: “I made it.” But no one knows about the nights he shivered in the cold, the shoes that tore apart, the breaths that stopped short, or the moments he told himself a thousand times: “Forget it, go back down.” But he kept going. Not to be seen. But to know, for himself, that it was worth it.